Does anyone remember that old game show Super-Market Sweep? The basis of the game was that shoppers were given a list with a certain amount of time to collect all the items in their buggies. They would be rewarded bonus points if they got extra items, items with a certain tags, or if they could beat the clock. Well, that is how I feel many times in my own life. With so many things going on in our lives and in our families, my brain feels like it is always going about a million miles a minute, rarely taking the time to slow down. When I do slow down, it seems like I am slowing down for things that have to be done instead of for things that really matter. Just last night I was driving home from the grocery store and it felt so good....I was actually alone for a few minutes!! But out of habit I started to grab my cell phone, catch up and make a few calls. I stopped myself and realized that I had the perfect chance, if only for 20 minutes or so, to be in total quiet. I made the choice to be alone with God for those few minutes and it was nothing short of amazing for my soul.

During that short time, I asked God for clarity; to be able to hear His voice above all other things. There are some very big decisions that need to be made and I want nothing short of His perfect will. Immediately, He answered my prayers by letting me hear His voice and this is what I heard in my heart: I have heard His voice above all other things, but it's the stillness and the time with Him that I need. It is my time with Him that will build trust between me and Him. I will strengthen my trust that He will do what He said. I will gain the trust to know He says what He means and that His words are faithful and true. Without this time with Him, I am like the shopper on Super-Market Sweep. I get my "list~my dream, purpose, direction; I get the truth of how much He loves me and the truth of what He wants to do in me and through me. In that moment of getting my 'list', I am pumped; running on sheer excitement and adrenaline. Regardless of how big the 'list' is, I have all the confidence in the world that He will carry it out. Then I hear the buzzer and I am off and running! I am scrambling around throwing things in my buggy that I may or may not need, just in case it would somehow be worth something at the end of the game. But then the adrenaline fades and I am left with the magnitude of what God has put in my heart; I am left with the reality of the effort that will be required, the commitment and the challenge, and the hard choices that are up ahead. I look in my buggy only to find a modge-podge of things that I will have to sort through to find what I really need.

If we don't keep our time with God and keep returning to Him over and over again, His words will become more and more faint; harder to remember and believe. Our trust in Him will begin to falter and so will we. When we get tired, and we will, we turn back to what we already know. It may be our insecurities, the obvious challenges, or our limitations rather than the truth that empowers us. And I'm not talking about the power to do more, but the power that comes from trust. This is so important because without trust it is impossible to ease our grip on our most cherished things, whether they are good or bad. We may be white-knuckled with our hopes and dreams, our families, our fears, our pains, disappointments, and lack of understanding. Without trust, we will not let go of anything and all the while we will be mistaking our lack of trust and time with Him as His lack of presence and that is NEVER the case.

Like a snowball, our lack of trust will grow bigger and bigger. We will say things like, "I must not have heard Him right", "God's word doesn't work for me", "God doesn't care", "I must not be worth it to Him". Then we try to cover up those feelings and thoughts with things such as, "There must be an easier way", "I need to try harder or do more", "I need to be better and do better". You couple all of these things together, and it no longer looks anything like what God gave us; it looks like the impossible. It looks like the wrong thing. So what do we have to do? Start fresh again. Go back to God-spend time with Him. Slow down~listen, read His Word, talk with Him. He will take us back to the beginning. And what is so amazing about God, is that we will never really loose any ground by going back to the beginning. He takes all that we go through and grab along the way and He will add it to our faith~it will strengthen us and makes us more grounded in our faith and trust in His amazing love.

God, your love is nothing short of amazing. In just a short amount of time, you can go right to the heart, bringing clarity to things that we couldn't even explain or understand. Thank you God for ALWAYS being there, so quick to listen and speak. Forgive us for the times that we don't spend time with You and then wonder why You are not speaking to us. I love you Lord with all my heart and soul. I will spend more time with You because it is there that I will find the trust, hope, confidence, and peace that I need. In Jesus' name.

Once again, I have taken something God has asked of me, took off with enthusiasm, and then I started to actually think about it! That is the point where I begin to shy away from things that are in my heart to do. Instead of seeing through the eyes of faith, I begin to see in the natural and that can be intimidating, challenging, and unclear. Like the blogs for instance...I LOVE to write. I have kept journals for as long as I can remember. I write to vent, to organize my thoughts, to remember things that are special to me just to name a few reasons, but most importantly, I write to pray-like letters to God. The first blog was just that-an outpouring of what God spoke to my heart that same exact morning to do: write from my heart and share it with others. Of course I had reservations, but they were nothing in comparison to the excitement and gratitude I felt to actually write them. The second blog was very much the same; it came fairly easy to write, but I started struggling with publishing the blogs. Although I was still writing in my journals nearly everyday, still hearing from God in very personal ways, changing and growing, I couldn't seem to get my thoughts or words together in a blog for others to read. I got very frustrated because I wanted to do this so much; it's like I finally tapped into my passion, but I began to ask the why, how, and what's the purpose questions. Then I got it...I was reverting back to some of my most cherished insecurities!! lol It's not that the blogs weren't from my heart, but I was trying to 'clean them up' either to make myself seem less crazy :) or to make it fit a mold for whoever may read them. Honestly, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to explain my faith and what God was speaking to my heart. What if someone read the blog and tried to say that it didn't conform to their issues and their life? What if someone challenged my faith with things I couldn't explain? But that is faith-the evidence of things unseen. I will not always have an answer or defense to my faith other than the life I live and the passions I pursue, regardless of how big or small they are in the eyes of anyone else. It goes back to the beginning of this journey, to overcome things that hold me back. To always go back to the purpose of God's plan and not the plan itself. To walk by faith and not by sight. To not underestimate my faith by fearing what I can't explain. To be passionate about something I don't always have the answers for. So I am back in the saddle again, writing from my heart....the good, the bad, and the ugly.

God you know my heart, but I have to know Yours to move forward in my faith. I pray that I would grow in my faith with a courage to move past my reservations, the perseverance to continue when the new wears off, and the integrity to stay faithful to what You ask of me. In Jesus's name I pray. And by the way, thank You for all of the second chances! I love you!