Once again, I have taken something God has asked of me, took off with enthusiasm, and then I started to actually think about it! That is the point where I begin to shy away from things that are in my heart to do. Instead of seeing through the eyes of faith, I begin to see in the natural and that can be intimidating, challenging, and unclear. Like the blogs for instance...I LOVE to write. I have kept journals for as long as I can remember. I write to vent, to organize my thoughts, to remember things that are special to me just to name a few reasons, but most importantly, I write to pray-like letters to God. The first blog was just that-an outpouring of what God spoke to my heart that same exact morning to do: write from my heart and share it with others. Of course I had reservations, but they were nothing in comparison to the excitement and gratitude I felt to actually write them. The second blog was very much the same; it came fairly easy to write, but I started struggling with publishing the blogs. Although I was still writing in my journals nearly everyday, still hearing from God in very personal ways, changing and growing, I couldn't seem to get my thoughts or words together in a blog for others to read. I got very frustrated because I wanted to do this so much; it's like I finally tapped into my passion, but I began to ask the why, how, and what's the purpose questions. Then I got it...I was reverting back to some of my most cherished insecurities!! lol It's not that the blogs weren't from my heart, but I was trying to 'clean them up' either to make myself seem less crazy :) or to make it fit a mold for whoever may read them. Honestly, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to explain my faith and what God was speaking to my heart. What if someone read the blog and tried to say that it didn't conform to their issues and their life? What if someone challenged my faith with things I couldn't explain? But that is faith-the evidence of things unseen. I will not always have an answer or defense to my faith other than the life I live and the passions I pursue, regardless of how big or small they are in the eyes of anyone else. It goes back to the beginning of this journey, to overcome things that hold me back. To always go back to the purpose of God's plan and not the plan itself. To walk by faith and not by sight. To not underestimate my faith by fearing what I can't explain. To be passionate about something I don't always have the answers for. So I am back in the saddle again, writing from my heart....the good, the bad, and the ugly.

God you know my heart, but I have to know Yours to move forward in my faith. I pray that I would grow in my faith with a courage to move past my reservations, the perseverance to continue when the new wears off, and the integrity to stay faithful to what You ask of me. In Jesus's name I pray. And by the way, thank You for all of the second chances! I love you!