Let's face it-any type of change is hard. Even as we try to change for the better, old habits die hard and some seem to linger like an old ghost. For me, I am learning to change little by little. I don't think that I need to lower my expectations or standards, but I do need to be more patient with myself. Even as I write the words "to be more patient with myself", it feels like I am being lazy or making excuses for why I can't seem to pull it all together. I want to enjoy my life because I am so blessed. I want to be more kind to myself and the person I not only see in the mirror, but also the person I see in my mind. Because this is such a foreign concept for me, it almost seems like I am writing fluff and not reality. But I know so much joy would come to my mind and my life if I would be more acceptable of myself and my abilities and weaknesses and let's just be honest- even the way I look. There is such a peace that comes with contentment. The fact that contentment is learned is where my flesh wants to buck the system. This would all be so much easier if contentment was just something we were and not something we had to become.
To accept ourselves seems like an issue of vanity or baby steps in a Christian walk. But we deceive ourselves by not addressing it in our lives. I have completely underestimated it's affect in my own life. Discontentment with ourselves, the constant thought that we should always be something different than what we are, and comparing our lives with those around us are powerful tools that Satan uses to do what he does best- steal, kill, and destroy. These very thoughts keep us from moving forward. They keep us from using our lives in the way that God intended. With these thoughts, even as we try to do what God has called us to do, we are always double-minded. And just let me tell you that I am a testimony of James 1:6 and that when we are double-minded we are tossed here and there, unstable in all of our ways and it is exhausting! These thoughts of perfection, not liking ourselves, thinking we need to more of this and less of that will keep us from enjoying all that God has called us to. Being double-minded, or riding the fence in our choices and in who we really are in Christ, will have us so confused and frustrated. We will be in the place that making ANY decision and staying the course will feel virtually impossible. When we are not content in who we are, we question even the things we KNOW that God has called us to do and we live beneath the life that God desires for us. And believe me, that is not an issue of vanity but a very real spiritual battle in our lives.
It is amazing how quickly we can get tangled in the lies that Satan is throwing at us. We can buy into them to the point that we actually feel bad about ourselves if we can't do it all and we even feel a little resentment if are not able to have it all. And let me say that perfection is not a standard; it is a figment of our imaginations!! It is an unattainable goal that keeps us running like crazy, thinking that we are so close to the place where we will finally be able to rest, only to find that we have fallen short yet again. For an insecure person, this is just pure torture!
God tells us that "it is for freedom that we have been set free". (Galatians 5:1) As I read these words, I am fully aware that being discontent with myself is NOT freedom! It is the complete opposite. It is a very distracting thing that shows up in nearly every scenario of my life; keeping me on a leash of fear, doubt, and insecurity. I go so far, but then these thoughts tug me back. However, I truly believe that this is the beginning of yet another growth spurt in my life! Even writing this blog is a first step to healing and freedom. What kind of freedom am I talking about? Freedom to not only accept myself as the person that God created me to be, but freedom to not sabotage myself and my value in light of those around me. My goodness, the freedom to not even think about myself so much and think more about who God is IN me and in my life! Freedom to fully function where I am, with what I have and to actually enjoy it!
Going off my track record of trying to do it all right or setting off to build Rome in a day, I have to remind myself of how this freedom will not only come to be in my life, but how it must be maintained. Two passages come to my mind. The first is 2 Peter 1:3-11. I truly pray that you will find the time to read the entire scripture. Basically, it tells us that we have everything we need to live a life that pleases God. It tells us that we have God's promises and divine nature working on the inside of us. I truly love this entire scripture, but verse 8 says that if we possess the qualities of faith, goodness, knowledge, self-control, perseverance, godliness, brotherly kindness, and love in increasing measures, it will keep us from being ineffective and unproductive. Take note of something very important in these words. God doesn't tell us to go out and try to produce these qualities all at once. He tells us to add them to each other and increase their measure in our lives. I truly believe that this tells us that we are to keep learning and to keep growing. Yes, we are to strive to become more and more the person that God wants us to be, but we are to be patient with ourselves on the journey.
The second scripture is Colossians 1: 9-14. This passage is a prayer that we would know God's will for our lives, live a life that pleases Him, bearing fruit, and being strengthened that we would have endurance and patience, and that we would grow in our knowledge of God. It also reminds us that we have been called out of the darkness and into the light; we have been redeemed and forgiven. Notice the words strength, endurance, patience, growth. I sincerely pray that you will take the time to look up these passages and read them. The Word is the ONLY truth that will set us free; it will establish us in a love like no other. The contentment and acceptance that I am looking for will only come through the Word of God. I can't produce it on my own efforts; it will not come by me being more or doing more. It will come as I become less and God becomes more. And that will only come through time with Him and replacing everything false with Truth, which is the Word of God. Once again, I must remind myself that this freedom is not one more thing that I have to try and do and if I work hard enough I will finally arrive. Read 2 Peter once again and notice the words perseverance and self-control.Although I cannot produce these qualities or this freedom on my own efforts, I will be required to make different choices and to change the way I think over and over again. However, this is a freedom that is being worked into me from the inside out. Like Galatians 3:3 says, "After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?". This journey will begin and end with Him.
God, it is for freedom that You have set us free. I pray that we will come to You and cooperate with You so that we would walk in this freedom that came with such a high price. I pray that we would have a hunger and thirst for You and Your Word in our lives. The Word is what will change us from the inside out, bringing truth that will set us free. God, I love you. I pray that we would hear what You are saying to us; words of life and love. You desire to build us up and never tear us down. You have beautiful plans for all of us and it is not beyond our reach. God, I pray that we will run to You over and over again for all of the love and acceptance that we need. In Jesus' name I pray.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Beautiful love...
When I began this journey back in the summer, I had no idea what God was preparing me for. The only thing I knew was that I wanted to break free from the things that kept me from experiencing God in the way I read about in His Word. I wanted to genuinely move past the strongholds in my life that kept me running back to them over and over again. Thank God that He did reveal Himself to me in a way that has truly changed my life forever. I can honestly say that I will never be the same again!
I have learned so many things over the last months as I have committed myself to time with God, time in His Word, and oh so importantly....being honest and open with Him. I keep trying to think of the the 'one thing' that has helped me the most on this journey to freedom and truth. It all started with a Bible study, but that was not the key. I have done many Bible studies in the past only to feel like I just couldn't keep what I had learned long enough to make a permanent difference in my life. But one thing that I did do different this time, and I know it changed things, was being honest and open with God. As I completed my Bible study homework, for the first time I didn't fill in the blanks with the right answers; you know...the answers that you could quote the scripture for or the answers that you knew how you 'should' respond, but in real life you just weren't getting it. Instead I filled in the blanks with the truth, even if it was something that I hated to admit to myself or God and even if it brought tears of repentance for not even understanding why I felt the way that I did. There where even some blanks that remained empty until I could fill it in with the truth that was deep down in my heart. And let me say that the truth is was not always pretty. I confessed areas of major doubt, hurt and mistrust. However, this brought an intimacy and a healing that I have never known before with my God. Psalm 51:17 says this: The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart O God, you will not despise. This I can testify to....God wants to heal our broken hearts and bind up our wounds regardless of why we have them. My broken heart was so much from my past and my wounds were those hurts that were still bleeding and effecting every part of my life.
God has been so patient and merciful and sweet to me through this whole thing and I know that it is not even close to the end; I am only at the beginning. As I look back I am in awe of the truths that God has spoken to my heart over time and He has spoken with nothing but compassion. But I have to say the most profound truth that I have gained from all of this is the love of God. Why in the world is this so hard for us to understand, grasp, and receive? I am surely not pointing a finger because if I was, I would be pointing it at myself! I have grown up all of my life hearing about the love of God. Most of us have heard it from the very beginning...."Jesus loves you"! We learned songs about it, it is what we tell those that are hurting and desperate for comfort. We can read it all throughout the Bible and even on the bumper of a car! Love is even the definition of God and it is the reason for Jesus Christ giving His life for us and yet, it is the most understated, underestimated, least comprehended thing in the Christian life. And now I know why Satan has deceived so many of us with this....because it is POWERFUL!!! The love of God will drive us to Truth that will set us free. It gives us a freedom to run to God for forgiveness and healing and joy and the list goes on.
As embarrassing and immature as this sounds, I too often thought of the love of God as mushy or emotional. I would put it more in the context of a boyfriend/girlfriend love or in the context of a relationship that had all of the highs and lows of our emotions. But now I am so unbelievably grateful that I have received the Truth. God's love is POWERFUL. It was and still is the driving force of everything that He has created and ALL that He does on our behalf. I can remember the scripture that I read that seemed to turn the light on for me! It was Isaiah 52:14 which says this: his {Jesus} appearance was so disfigured beyond that of any man and his form marred beyond human likeness-. It is referring to the torture that Jesus went through before going to the cross. And I could remember thinking that He did that for me before He ever even knew that I would say yes to Him and His life. That is a powerful love that He had for us and still has for us today. That He would be beaten beyond human recognition. That is a love that is founded on much, much more than emotions that come and go. Emotions had nothing to do with His love for us that day; it was the heart and plan of God for all of us.
This Truth and revelation of God's love has led me to more and more freedom in my life. But as I write this, I know that I would not be the same without the love of God. I would have stayed defeated, broken, insecure, and unstable. But the love of God has given me hope, expectation, stability, boldness, courage, and even the faith to simply believe. Before the love of God, I was so timid in my life, in my prayers and desires. But now I know that the love of God is my safety net. I can pray boldly, I can expect the miraculous, I can hope and believe for the impossible because I can now trust in a love that I know works mightily on my behalf. I know a love that fights hell for me, that dispatches mighty angles in my defense, a love that pours the blood of Jesus over every area of my life to destroy, undo, loosen, and dissolve the works the devil has done. (1 John 3:8)
My prayer for you is that you come to the place of honesty with God. Faith is not always pretty. It's rarely dressed up in our Sunday best. Faith can cry, hurt, wonder, feel disappointed and lonely. At one time, I thought these were indications that I didn't have enough faith. Now I know otherwise. These are reminders that I am human and live in a broken world that isn't anything like heaven and until heaven, there will be many things that don't seem to fit. But I pray that with each time I don't understand, that God will keep my heart and help me move my faith to a bigger box; one that is larger than the previous one that I had put Him in.
God I love you more than I can explain. I look back at how Your love has led me to so much freedom in my life and how patient and compassionate You have been with me on this journey. This revelation is not the end, it is the beginning for the next place in my life. Without it, I would have fallen hard. Your love God has sustained me. I pray God for truth to come to the body of Christ. I pray that as Your kids, we would be honest with You so that we can find healing. Our questions, hurts, and pains are not signs of lack of faith when we bring them to You. At your feet, they become desperate cries for more faith. We love you Lord and fully expect to see Your glory in the lives of Your children. Amen.
I have learned so many things over the last months as I have committed myself to time with God, time in His Word, and oh so importantly....being honest and open with Him. I keep trying to think of the the 'one thing' that has helped me the most on this journey to freedom and truth. It all started with a Bible study, but that was not the key. I have done many Bible studies in the past only to feel like I just couldn't keep what I had learned long enough to make a permanent difference in my life. But one thing that I did do different this time, and I know it changed things, was being honest and open with God. As I completed my Bible study homework, for the first time I didn't fill in the blanks with the right answers; you know...the answers that you could quote the scripture for or the answers that you knew how you 'should' respond, but in real life you just weren't getting it. Instead I filled in the blanks with the truth, even if it was something that I hated to admit to myself or God and even if it brought tears of repentance for not even understanding why I felt the way that I did. There where even some blanks that remained empty until I could fill it in with the truth that was deep down in my heart. And let me say that the truth is was not always pretty. I confessed areas of major doubt, hurt and mistrust. However, this brought an intimacy and a healing that I have never known before with my God. Psalm 51:17 says this: The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart O God, you will not despise. This I can testify to....God wants to heal our broken hearts and bind up our wounds regardless of why we have them. My broken heart was so much from my past and my wounds were those hurts that were still bleeding and effecting every part of my life.
God has been so patient and merciful and sweet to me through this whole thing and I know that it is not even close to the end; I am only at the beginning. As I look back I am in awe of the truths that God has spoken to my heart over time and He has spoken with nothing but compassion. But I have to say the most profound truth that I have gained from all of this is the love of God. Why in the world is this so hard for us to understand, grasp, and receive? I am surely not pointing a finger because if I was, I would be pointing it at myself! I have grown up all of my life hearing about the love of God. Most of us have heard it from the very beginning...."Jesus loves you"! We learned songs about it, it is what we tell those that are hurting and desperate for comfort. We can read it all throughout the Bible and even on the bumper of a car! Love is even the definition of God and it is the reason for Jesus Christ giving His life for us and yet, it is the most understated, underestimated, least comprehended thing in the Christian life. And now I know why Satan has deceived so many of us with this....because it is POWERFUL!!! The love of God will drive us to Truth that will set us free. It gives us a freedom to run to God for forgiveness and healing and joy and the list goes on.
As embarrassing and immature as this sounds, I too often thought of the love of God as mushy or emotional. I would put it more in the context of a boyfriend/girlfriend love or in the context of a relationship that had all of the highs and lows of our emotions. But now I am so unbelievably grateful that I have received the Truth. God's love is POWERFUL. It was and still is the driving force of everything that He has created and ALL that He does on our behalf. I can remember the scripture that I read that seemed to turn the light on for me! It was Isaiah 52:14 which says this: his {Jesus} appearance was so disfigured beyond that of any man and his form marred beyond human likeness-. It is referring to the torture that Jesus went through before going to the cross. And I could remember thinking that He did that for me before He ever even knew that I would say yes to Him and His life. That is a powerful love that He had for us and still has for us today. That He would be beaten beyond human recognition. That is a love that is founded on much, much more than emotions that come and go. Emotions had nothing to do with His love for us that day; it was the heart and plan of God for all of us.
This Truth and revelation of God's love has led me to more and more freedom in my life. But as I write this, I know that I would not be the same without the love of God. I would have stayed defeated, broken, insecure, and unstable. But the love of God has given me hope, expectation, stability, boldness, courage, and even the faith to simply believe. Before the love of God, I was so timid in my life, in my prayers and desires. But now I know that the love of God is my safety net. I can pray boldly, I can expect the miraculous, I can hope and believe for the impossible because I can now trust in a love that I know works mightily on my behalf. I know a love that fights hell for me, that dispatches mighty angles in my defense, a love that pours the blood of Jesus over every area of my life to destroy, undo, loosen, and dissolve the works the devil has done. (1 John 3:8)
My prayer for you is that you come to the place of honesty with God. Faith is not always pretty. It's rarely dressed up in our Sunday best. Faith can cry, hurt, wonder, feel disappointed and lonely. At one time, I thought these were indications that I didn't have enough faith. Now I know otherwise. These are reminders that I am human and live in a broken world that isn't anything like heaven and until heaven, there will be many things that don't seem to fit. But I pray that with each time I don't understand, that God will keep my heart and help me move my faith to a bigger box; one that is larger than the previous one that I had put Him in.
God I love you more than I can explain. I look back at how Your love has led me to so much freedom in my life and how patient and compassionate You have been with me on this journey. This revelation is not the end, it is the beginning for the next place in my life. Without it, I would have fallen hard. Your love God has sustained me. I pray God for truth to come to the body of Christ. I pray that as Your kids, we would be honest with You so that we can find healing. Our questions, hurts, and pains are not signs of lack of faith when we bring them to You. At your feet, they become desperate cries for more faith. We love you Lord and fully expect to see Your glory in the lives of Your children. Amen.
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