Live out of your inheritance and not your circumstance.
I heard this little 'one liner' over the weekend at a Women's Conference. Out of all that was spoken, this is what grabbed my heart; this little nugget is what I brought home. Honestly, my soul was bone dry going into the conference. I felt tired in every way. Crazy enough, I felt almost the same way coming home. I was SO glad I went, but I didn't get that "AHA" moment that I love. You know, that 'thing' that happens when you feel recharged, renewed and ready to face life different. I just came home with that one little line. It didn't really inspire me or motivate me and truthfully, I was just too tired to let it challenge me. But I thought about it...a lot!
The last few years of our lives have seemed to be a challenge ~ just lots of big stuff going on. And the last two and half years it seems we have been in fight mode. After being diagnosed with leukemia in July of 2013 and going into a bone marrow transplant that same October, "normal" for us was gone. Our lives were completely changed within just minutes...long enough for the doctor to give the diagnosis. Our day to day lives were completely changed and turned up side down.
Over the two and half years, I have missed 'normal' and sometimes literally grieved for it. But to be honest, I am not sure how to define it anymore. It seems like I have been trying to move forward from day to day, then week to week and then month to month since diagnosis (not to mention what my husband Jack has been through). Every part of transplant has been LONG ~ the recovery, the treatments, the doctor visits, and the bumps in the road that come from transplant. It's like I keep waiting for normal to show up and just never does in my mind.
And now coming up on my 2 year mark, I feel unsettled. It's like I am still throwing punches and at what? I am not sure! I can't really explain it, but I just feel unsettled. My doctor has told me more than once that I will have to find a 'new normal'; to redefine what that means to me because after transplant you really just aren't the same person. Well, that's just lovely!
And I have moments where I get mad sometimes that cancer ever ripped through our lives. It seems to have left a wake with ripples that we are still seeing and feeling. I see good from all of it, but I have days where I just get ticked off! And that's where my little 'one liner' has finally meant something; a reminder to live out of my inheritance and not my circumstances! Because there are a few things I can blame for this unsettled feeling. There are a few things I can say, "When this is over then I will feel better"". But if I have learned anything over the last couple of years, I have learned that God can give peace in the middle of flat out scary!
So what is my inheritance?
Open, heart felt conversation with my Savior. And not just the pretty ones. I am talking about the real ones...the ones that include a few fist shakes and the ugly cry! Conversations with Him that allow me to bare my soul to my Healer~ to the Lover of my soul. The One that can mend my broken heart and bind up my wounds.
My inheritance is peace that obviously, the world is incapable of giving. A peace that allows rest~ deep down, soul satisfying rest. And joy! Let's not forget joy; that deep down knowing that we are His and He is ours and that His promises towards us are Yes and Amen!
I love Psalm 51:6~ .Surely you desire truth in my innermost being; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.
God desires His truth, His Word to be down in the core of who we are, in the deepest places of our hearts and minds. He desires His Truth to be real to us! So today I am going to live out of my inheritance, and the list of all that means for us is truly too long to write here. But what that means for me today, what grabs my heart, is that I get to live out of relationship with Him. That is everything~ every thing, every word, every aspect of our faith is hinged on this one thing...relationship with Him!
Only He can settle my soul.
Only He can give me grace.
Only He can move mountains.
Only He can restore my soul.
All that I am longing for~ love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control, can only be found in Him. Sure, you might be thinking of a few exceptions right now. Thinking no, a girl's night out or coffee with a friend is what I need. Or maybe getting it all together and starting with a clean slate. You know, "Let me get organized around the house, start eating clean again, or exercising again and then the "unsettled" feeling might go away". No~ that's living out of your circumstances. And all of those things truly are needed, but they are not the source!
The fruits of God can only come from Christ in us. And let me tell you, we must be intentional about guarding our time with Him. We have to be intentional with our faith in Christ. We have to do it on purpose because there will rarely be a good time for Christ...for time in the Word, for that time to love on Him with worship, thanks, and song, that time to learn of Him. Why? Because He is not tangible to us. He doesn't seem urgent. When we look around we don't physically see Him. Instead we see people, stuff, things to do. During times of stress and busy, Christ is the first to go and shame on us!! Because our enemy is relentless and God's love and faithfulness is SO unending. (I may be speaking out of experience here...wink, wink!)
But today I don't have to go at the world or the enemy in an all out fight mode. I feel too tired. No, I can fight the enemy from a place of peace~ a place where I can think clearly. A place where I can make better decisions because I am not living out of my circumstances, with my emotions every which way but up. And that place is what I mentioned earlier~ a soul baring conversation with my Savior.
Show the wonder of your great love, you who save by your right hand those who take refuge in you from their foes. Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings.... Psalm 17:7-8
There is nothing more powerful than the Word of God to fight, to rest, to pray, to hope. His Word is where we learn His great love for us...His heart towards us! So as author Priscilla Shrirer says, it's time to take off the gloves and put on the armor of God! Take off the gloves and stop throwing punches in the air, wearing yourself out with tactics and strategies of the world. It's exhausting! Stand in peace that you are a daughter of the King...not an outsider. You have an inheritance that is marked out for you all throughout the Word of God!! And it begins with that open conversation with your Savior. Let it rip! Let the tears fall and the snot fly! Bare it all to the Lover of your soul because He loves you! He longs for you! You matter to Him...you are His heart and His creation!
You are more to me than just my Savior. You are my Prince of peace, my Blessed Savior. Jesus, in all that I go through, all I need is You.
~Venus Laney
I heard this little 'one liner' over the weekend at a Women's Conference. Out of all that was spoken, this is what grabbed my heart; this little nugget is what I brought home. Honestly, my soul was bone dry going into the conference. I felt tired in every way. Crazy enough, I felt almost the same way coming home. I was SO glad I went, but I didn't get that "AHA" moment that I love. You know, that 'thing' that happens when you feel recharged, renewed and ready to face life different. I just came home with that one little line. It didn't really inspire me or motivate me and truthfully, I was just too tired to let it challenge me. But I thought about it...a lot!
The last few years of our lives have seemed to be a challenge ~ just lots of big stuff going on. And the last two and half years it seems we have been in fight mode. After being diagnosed with leukemia in July of 2013 and going into a bone marrow transplant that same October, "normal" for us was gone. Our lives were completely changed within just minutes...long enough for the doctor to give the diagnosis. Our day to day lives were completely changed and turned up side down.
Over the two and half years, I have missed 'normal' and sometimes literally grieved for it. But to be honest, I am not sure how to define it anymore. It seems like I have been trying to move forward from day to day, then week to week and then month to month since diagnosis (not to mention what my husband Jack has been through). Every part of transplant has been LONG ~ the recovery, the treatments, the doctor visits, and the bumps in the road that come from transplant. It's like I keep waiting for normal to show up and just never does in my mind.
And now coming up on my 2 year mark, I feel unsettled. It's like I am still throwing punches and at what? I am not sure! I can't really explain it, but I just feel unsettled. My doctor has told me more than once that I will have to find a 'new normal'; to redefine what that means to me because after transplant you really just aren't the same person. Well, that's just lovely!
And I have moments where I get mad sometimes that cancer ever ripped through our lives. It seems to have left a wake with ripples that we are still seeing and feeling. I see good from all of it, but I have days where I just get ticked off! And that's where my little 'one liner' has finally meant something; a reminder to live out of my inheritance and not my circumstances! Because there are a few things I can blame for this unsettled feeling. There are a few things I can say, "When this is over then I will feel better"". But if I have learned anything over the last couple of years, I have learned that God can give peace in the middle of flat out scary!
So what is my inheritance?
Open, heart felt conversation with my Savior. And not just the pretty ones. I am talking about the real ones...the ones that include a few fist shakes and the ugly cry! Conversations with Him that allow me to bare my soul to my Healer~ to the Lover of my soul. The One that can mend my broken heart and bind up my wounds.
My inheritance is peace that obviously, the world is incapable of giving. A peace that allows rest~ deep down, soul satisfying rest. And joy! Let's not forget joy; that deep down knowing that we are His and He is ours and that His promises towards us are Yes and Amen!
I love Psalm 51:6~ .Surely you desire truth in my innermost being; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.
God desires His truth, His Word to be down in the core of who we are, in the deepest places of our hearts and minds. He desires His Truth to be real to us! So today I am going to live out of my inheritance, and the list of all that means for us is truly too long to write here. But what that means for me today, what grabs my heart, is that I get to live out of relationship with Him. That is everything~ every thing, every word, every aspect of our faith is hinged on this one thing...relationship with Him!
Only He can settle my soul.
Only He can give me grace.
Only He can move mountains.
Only He can restore my soul.
All that I am longing for~ love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control, can only be found in Him. Sure, you might be thinking of a few exceptions right now. Thinking no, a girl's night out or coffee with a friend is what I need. Or maybe getting it all together and starting with a clean slate. You know, "Let me get organized around the house, start eating clean again, or exercising again and then the "unsettled" feeling might go away". No~ that's living out of your circumstances. And all of those things truly are needed, but they are not the source!
The fruits of God can only come from Christ in us. And let me tell you, we must be intentional about guarding our time with Him. We have to be intentional with our faith in Christ. We have to do it on purpose because there will rarely be a good time for Christ...for time in the Word, for that time to love on Him with worship, thanks, and song, that time to learn of Him. Why? Because He is not tangible to us. He doesn't seem urgent. When we look around we don't physically see Him. Instead we see people, stuff, things to do. During times of stress and busy, Christ is the first to go and shame on us!! Because our enemy is relentless and God's love and faithfulness is SO unending. (I may be speaking out of experience here...wink, wink!)
But today I don't have to go at the world or the enemy in an all out fight mode. I feel too tired. No, I can fight the enemy from a place of peace~ a place where I can think clearly. A place where I can make better decisions because I am not living out of my circumstances, with my emotions every which way but up. And that place is what I mentioned earlier~ a soul baring conversation with my Savior.
Show the wonder of your great love, you who save by your right hand those who take refuge in you from their foes. Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings.... Psalm 17:7-8
There is nothing more powerful than the Word of God to fight, to rest, to pray, to hope. His Word is where we learn His great love for us...His heart towards us! So as author Priscilla Shrirer says, it's time to take off the gloves and put on the armor of God! Take off the gloves and stop throwing punches in the air, wearing yourself out with tactics and strategies of the world. It's exhausting! Stand in peace that you are a daughter of the King...not an outsider. You have an inheritance that is marked out for you all throughout the Word of God!! And it begins with that open conversation with your Savior. Let it rip! Let the tears fall and the snot fly! Bare it all to the Lover of your soul because He loves you! He longs for you! You matter to Him...you are His heart and His creation!
You are more to me than just my Savior. You are my Prince of peace, my Blessed Savior. Jesus, in all that I go through, all I need is You.
~Venus Laney
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