As you can tell from my last two blogs, I have had some serious work done!! But this process has actually revived me and my faith and it is only the beginning! I truly feel so grateful for these couple of weeks and what God is doing in my heart and life. Just as I was reading Psalm 103 this morning, I related to these words of truth in a new and personal way.

The chapter begins with telling us to praise God with all that is within us and to bless His name. It instructs us not to forget what all He has done in our lives and what He wants to do, such as forgive all our sins, heal all our diseases, redeem our lives from the pit, crown us with love and compassion, and satisfy our desires with good things. But this morning I read verse 5 in a new light. Why does He want to do these things for us? So our youth is renewed like the eagle's!
(v. 5) I love this! This is exactly what I have experienced over the last couple of days; a renewal in my mind and in my heart. I have felt a fresh faith and a fresh hope. I have been so blessed to feel His presence and see Him in the everyday routines. I have felt His love.

When we are forgiven, healed, redeemed, shown love and compassion, and have our desires met with good things, we are no longer under the weight of our mess and our bondage. So what keeps us from turning to God for these things? For me, I think I simply owned everything I thought and felt has my own problem. Either I needed to quit thinking certain things or I needed to just have more faith or whatever other solution that I could come up with. Anything but going to God with ALL of me~ especially the things I couldn't make sense of or the things that I knew weren't right, but I couldn't figure them out. But as I read Psalms, I gained a new understanding of His heart towards me; towards all of His children.

"The Lord works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed...He is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love...He does not treat us our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him...As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust." ~Psalm 103:6, 8, 10-11, 13-14

I hope so bad that you can hear His heart and see His intentions towards us. Regardless of why or how we are oppressed, He has compassion on us and wants to redeem us. So many times we are afraid to turn to God because we feel like whatever we are going through is our fault or our problem. We treat our sins as if we can make them go away by simply doing more or doing better. Therefore, we feel like we deserve whatever mess or bondage that we are in and we stay there. Make no mistake, we will reap what we sow. But even during the reaping, God is with us to encourage us, build us up, and give us strength to go through it and move on.

I can promise you that as God has searched me and exposed sin in my heart, I have felt shocked, humbled, and drained. I have felt sad and broken that I could have such ugly things in my heart, but I have yet to feel condemned, ashamed, or unworthy. It was actually the 'ugly' stuff that was making me feel those things-not God. God doesn't want us to break before Him and then leave us to pick up the pieces. He doesn't want us to feel burdened and guilty and tired from the sin in our lives. He doesn't even point a finger at us and blame us. I just have to tell you how amazed I am at His heart for us! God doesn't discipline us and correct us and then leave us to feel bad about it; He doesn't expect us to even fix the problem all alone. Instead, He corrects us so that we can be renewed and refreshed. Read Psalm 103 for yourself. No where will you find a harsh distant God that wants to 'crack the whip' and make you feel condemned for what is in your heart. He only wants to lead you to repentance and He will love you the entire way!

I am at the very beginnings of my journey. It's not like God has revealed areas of my heart that needed repentance and healing and I am now 'fixed'. No, the areas that have been exposed will take commitment from me on a daily basis. My victory will require me choosing life over and over again, on a daily basis, in my daily life. But what I am so amazed by is the fact that God is showing His love to me as if I have already arrived!! That is what I want to share with you to encourage you to trust God enough to be completely honest. Even though He has shown me tough love, He has blessed me with such an awareness of His love and presence in my life. I believe He has done this so I would not grow weary and quit. Feeling His presence the way I have for the last few days has been such an encouragement to me. It has motivated me to keep going forward and not giving into my old ways of thinking and doing. Instead, I want more of this! I want this love to be more and more common in my life instead of always searching for it through the mess. His love excites me and gives me the strength to press through.

I wish so badly that I could always 'feel' His presence the way that I do now, but I know that we go through different seasons in our walk with God. He says that He will never leave us or forsake us and He means that for ALL times, but it is just like God to let us feel Him in such tangible ways as we go through times of correction! Don't stay where you are because you feel like you made the mess, so you have to fix it. God loves you passionately and desperately. His heart for you is good. Allow Him the chance to love on you~ ALL of you~and not just the parts that seem good enough. He loves us through the process of healing and repentance; not just after.

God, I am so amazed at Your love and this is only the beginning! I thank you that don't treat us as our sins deserve, but You truly love us and desire to see us free. I know that this may only be a season, the way I feel You now, but I know the effects of it will be with me for a lifetime. I love you God and thank You so much that you always want us to be free, regardless of the situation. I pray God that we will no longer buy into the lies that keep us from you; lies that keep us in bondage and keep us from turning to our only true hope for change: YOU! I love you more than I can say! In Jesus' name.