Ouch....I need a band-aide and a big one! In the beginning, I really believed that my journey was simply an issue with my faith...you know, something 'more spritual' than bringing my flesh under control! Don't get me wrong, spiritual strongholds have certainly been exposed and many defeated! But I think I was looking for more of a spiritual revelation that would somehow lift me out of my flesh and bring me to the place where I could see God better and not so much the discipline required to overcome the flesh!

Revelations do change things; after we have them, we can't help but see things differently. However, I am learning that it is the choices we have to make after the revelations that will bring change. It's choosing our spirits over our flesh that is so painful, but it is the very thing that will take us forward. Dying to my flesh has literally brought me to tears at times; part from the Truth that has been spoken to me, but more so from the frustration of actually having to do it!

Life doesn't seem that 'spiritual', but it is. Everyday, in everything we do, we are spiritual beings in a fleshly body. Although I have certainly tried in some areas of my life, I cannot separate the spiritual from the everyday, no matter how mundane the everyday seems. Just this week, I was faced with a very normal everyday experience. However, it is an experience that ruffles my feathers nearly every time I encounter it. As I am learning, I took it to God in prayer!! Let me just say that I was very angry and hurt and without looking up either of these words in the concordance of my Bible, this is where I was led: James 1:19-22. Let me share with you what it says so that maybe you can get a chuckle out of it with me!!

My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.

At the time, I was ticked off and being slow to speak and slow to become angry, and all the other right things I knew to do, did not seem like the best solution! I was tired of doing the 'right thing' because to be completely honest here, sometimes that just feels like people get off the hook too easily. (By the way, that is one embarrassing confession!). But I pressed on, even confessing this to God! Just remember, He wants us to break before Him, so He can heal us and free us from these very things that trip us up over and over again! Through my time with God, I truly believe that He said some of my prayers and requests simply could not be answered. He cannot and will not feed my flesh and that is where much of my requests were coming from. I can't get frustrated with God or my faith and say it isn't working, or His word is not coming to pass in my life when I am wanting my flesh to feel better instead of my spirit to grow. As painful and practical as it is, I just have to humbly accept God's word. I must become submissive to it. Eventually my spirit will win because He is greater than anything in this world and my flesh is weak. My flesh can't hold up under pressure for long!

However, God's love doesn't end with an "I told you so". As I read on in James, chapter 1 verse 5 says, "But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it-he will be blessed". I have read this several times, and each time I do I seem to notice something else in it's words. This is so encouraging and truly brings my heart closer to the love and obedience that God is wanting....the kind that chooses Him simply because of who He is in our lives and His heart for us. He doesn't ask anything of us that is not for our good. When he tells us to be slow to speak and slow to anger, or anything else for that matter, it is not so we can look the part of the nice Christian. It is to give us freedom!! Freedom from what? For me, it is freedom from my flesh and being led by my emotions, from being easily offended, from worrying about what others think and say, and other things that seem to trip me up unnecessarily over and over again. But read the verse again...the freedom and blessing do not come by knowing the right thing to do. They come by continually looking in the word for Truth and then doing it! No joke, this is difficult and painful at times! But what good is there in feeding our flesh? It is simply asking for more of the same thing. Our faith becomes real, God becomes more visible, and His Word becomes Truth to us as we do what it says, regardless of how sure we are that it is not the better way for our given situation or how we would be justified otherwise! LOL

God I pray that we will humbly accept the word that you put into our hands, our hearts, and our lives. It will save us from ourselves and bring us freedom and blessing as we do it. Lord forgive us for the times that we have chosen something other than your Word and then questioned Your presence in our lives or the validity of what You say. God, Your heart towards us is nothing but love. I pray for strength, humility, courage, and the perseverance that it will take to overcome my flesh and allow my spirit to grow. Perseverance must finish its work so that we may be mature and COMPLETE, not lacking anything. (James 1:4) As I see your heart for me in Your Word, I feel my spirit growing stronger. I want You more than any fleeting satisfaction that can come from doing what my flesh wants. God, thank you for this love! In Jesus' name.